rescue me

can i cry? please :( just once. i really need to cry

i feel bad. i am sorry, Z
i know i am cruel.
i wanna clear things up between us
i dont wanna give hope
i just wanna study

but.
the thing now is

about my friend. my new friend.
his name is, well i call him S here
a guy.

we knew each other during ramadhan
i knew him through my friend
and he came to my house in alor star during eid
my mom liked him cause my mom keep tallking bout him till now -__-
and and he got girlfriend alright??

but now. i am so confused? NO
angry? NO

i dont know what to feel now
i met him every day. every night at study room
well.. its not only two of us obviously.. there's a lot of people there in study room
and when he said "lets meet up" i dont know how to say "NO"
i just said "OK" :(
and when i'm with him
people said "ooo..your boyfriend???"
and its too tiring to explain that he's not my boyfriend! :(

and like today.. i was all dressed up cause i wanna go to sunway pyramid with him
but i didnt wear pretty clothes cause i wanna go out with him
but i naturally and always wear pretty clothes
but then my housemate said "oooo..look at u adda.u wanna go for date"
and i said "no.and u guys knew she already had a gf"
and just now..i waited for him to pray.. and there's one uncle said
"u waited here for ur boyfriend? the guy jz now ur boyfriend??" sambil senyum2 -__-

and last time both of us went to sunway and he send me back to college
and my warden said.. "oohh..keluar dating"

ok.now i should stop meeting him :(
i like him as a friend. as a brother cause he's 1year older than me
but... i dont know.
it feels weird . it feels so wrong. it feels that i'm stealing someone's boyfriend.
and i always have to explain that..he's my friend

and just now i met Eman for the first time
and eman said.. "hah?u guys couple?"

i dont want it to be that way
like he usung me sana sini
and people ask about our relationship :(

and after this..he'll be away for 3months.
and i will be alone after i've always been with him like all the time
alone. lonely. no friend to talk to
cause he always listen to me.
that is why he is like a brother.